You Are In Integrity

“You are in integrity when the life you live is an authentic expression of who you are.” — Alan Cohen

 

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When You Find it Difficult to Find the Words

My first attempt at blogging began in 2005 on what was then Yahoo’s “360” page; Yahoo’s attempt at developing an option to MySpace.  I wasn’t sure at first what I’d write about.  I considered the process of blogging as similar to the process of my daily journal entries I make (written as though no one will read my entries but me); blogging is written with the understanding that the entire world has access to read.  My awkward attempts began with simple posts that included personal information I felt someone could relate to or may find interesting.

I soon realized that people reading my blogs were hungry for more blogs specific to crystal meth, spirituality, gay relationships, relationships affected by severe mental illness (SMI) such as  paranoid schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, domestic violence in gay relationships and anything addressing the sharing of experiences along one’s path of personal growth.

I love writing and have made some very good efforts at expanding my writing style, to include short stories for children as well as poetry.  The feedback I receive from readers is always welcome and often acknowledges my painstaking efforts to share with rigorous honesty.

Some days, I can’t seem to connect with any one topic at all, and the words I search for to describe my feelings aren’t there.  I may be tired, depressed, anxious, worried or any other emotion that blocks my ability to write.  Unable to write, I found myself getting lost in my other world of digital art, photography and photo editing. The first time I experienced “writer’s block” I resorted to posting an image I had found which conveyed a message and required nothing more from me. That first image was the one in this blog today.  As I read the words in the image above, I slowly began to relate to them in my own feelings.

If you are a committed blogger like me, give yourself permission to be easy on yourself some days.  Post a picture or image that you feel may share a story with your readers.  It’s OK to take the easier route some days!

Good-bye My Love

 

 

 

“I left because there was no room for me.  But you could tell me not to go.  Say it to me.  Tell me not to go.”  — Stephen Sondheim.  Dot in Sunday in the Park with George. 

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection.  Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much.  But the heart isn’t logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye. 

Love is a process; it doesn’t end because we say good-bye.  No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person.  The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we’ve made and to forgive whatever hurt we’ve received.  We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation.  Those feelings are born out of illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves.  Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

Sharing with you a Valentine’s Gift from Christopher

This is a poem written by my partner Christopher for me and given to me on Valentine’s Day, 2006:

To Thine Own Self Be True

My Husband Mark:

A Dream Come True!

I’m Writing This Just for you.

You’re the bomb,

Now don’t you laugh!

You are the epitome of a perfect half.

Even though we had just 2 dates,

I knew that moment we had walked our fate.

Breathtaking eyes that mesmerize,

My heart beats rhythmically

Echoing your name.

Hoping yours is doing the same.

If heaven exists, then I know this:

You are an angel, heard on high,

Throughout every mountainside,

Let it be known beyond this realm,

That Mark is my man!

Honest and True,

Who woulda’ knew…

That I would live to the day,

When I was able to give my heart away?

So if you see fit,

And we both agree,

There is no other lover to come in between.

We stand by each side together on this ride.

And please, give me the honor;

Cupid has checked his list,

And he encourages this:

Be My Valentine!

You will be in bliss,

As I seal the deal with a kiss!

Happy Valentine’s Day, Baby XOXO

~Christopher~