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You Are In Integrity

“You are in integrity when the life you live is an authentic expression of who you are.” — Alan Cohen

 

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Discovering Our Uniqueness

“The search for a new personality is futile; what is fruitful is the human interest the old personality can take in new activities.” — Cesare Tavese

Complete these sentences and if you’d like include your answers in my poll:

Hard, isn’t it?  It’s usually easier to come up with five awful things about ourselves.  Yet, knowing who we are and being able to state it is a good exercise in self-esteem.  It feels good to be able to make positive statements about ourselves and our uniqueness.  We get a new sense of identity, especially when we take the risk of telling someone else about ourselves (Feel free to take a look at my page titled “This Boy’s Life – All about Me” which is this exercise at a much more detailed and intimate level). It’s the small things, our preferences and idiosyncrasies that add color and substance to our personalities.

The longer we work on ourselves through personal growth, or recovery, the more we enjoy our unique combination of qualities.  We begin to feel “comfortable in our own skin.”  We can start by affirming them to ourselves often, “I am unique. There is only one person like me.  I am worthwhile, competent and lovable.”  We can focus on ourselves, not in grandiosity, or self-centered ways, but lovingly.  Getting to know ourselves is an adventure, one we can enjoy each day.

Gemini Personality Traits v. Leo

I am a Gemini. For quite a long time, I hesitated to tell anyone my sign of the Zodiac.  I had grown to feel ashamed of my astrological star sign.  Sadly, this shame was caused by judgmental and opinionated individuals who, when they became aware of my card carrying Gemini status, would launch the tale of their “dramastic” existence with their Gemini, punctuating with extra flair the parts of their story that illustrate how horrible their entire life experience had been with Gemini.  Then, as if that wasn’t enough, they’d hurl their judgments of me cloaked as comparisons of course, by the time they were done, I felt like an inappropriate, over talkative, manipulative ass. I’d try to recover by saying, “But really, I’m just gregregarious.” These ignorant and lost individuals have come to believe that Gemini’s are not safe people to be around and have applied this judgment across the board for all Gemini’s.

To know what it is these shallow individuals fear, I began a collection of sorts over the course of many years, which consists of an eclectic blend of varying degrees of opinions profiling that mysterious and dangerous Gemini! Here is my abridged version of my “Best of the Worst” Gemini profiles:

The Gemini

It is said that a Gemini will take either side of an argument, not because they feel strongly about their position, but simply for the fun of it.  A Gemini is adaptable and flexible, and has an insatiable craving for a variety of distractions to gratify their quick, changeable minds. Self-expressive, to the world the Gemini is cheerful and optimistic, but those within the inner circle of the Gemini know that there is also an opposing moody side to the personality.

Independent, a Gemini will not be held down by anyone or any rules of society.  A Gemini craves the experiences one can gain through exploration of the world around us.  Change and freedom are sacred to the Gemini and it is incomprehensible to them to allow anyone to dictate their life.  I recall reading in Gemini personality profiles that a Gemini is a very interesting and exciting friend. They like to leave their “Gem was here! ” on everyone they meet. They are known to be very flighty and can be expected to disappear for a long time as they meet new friends and discover new places. When they finally return, be prepared for their overly exuberant communication of their thoughts, opinions and interesting things to share and ideas to teach. Life is very interesting and fun with a Gemini.

Need advice?  Ask a Gemini, their mastery of communication will help you feel like you’re getting just what you need through their artful persuasion and enthusiasm, and they give good advice too. Do not however, burden a Gemini down with all of your emotional problems.  They have no desire to deal with your problems because it has the potential to depress them. Looking for a ride on the “Gossip Express” A Gemini pal will let you in on all the musings of the he said/she said: crowd.

I have been kept wondering about the emotional balance of the many people who have expressed their refusal of the opportunity to get better acquainted with me. These individuals made their choice because they believe in the astrological calendar so exclusively, and especially enjoy that with every set of Zodiac interpretations they receive a set of  labels for each star sign, handy for when those long days of passing judgment finally give way to placing their victims in a box, with label!

Seriously though, I find that my duality balances me.  I still love myself when I hate myself.  I see myself as honest when I’m lying. I see myself as creative when I feel like a slug. I am gregarious and I do love people.  I love to hate them and I love to love them. Sometimes, I love too fast.  Sometimes I want all that I cannot have or possess.  But overall, I love who I am, and am happy that I’m loved by someone else.

I have someone special in my life who finds what seems to be endless humor in the “traits” of a Gemini personality and he enjoys that I’m a Gemini. He is a Leo, and certainly has had judgment passed on the standard traits of his sign as well.  In my love for this special man, therein lies the end of my duality.  Together, he and I make a whole person.  I’m one.  He’s one.  So how compatible are these two signs?

Leo v. Gemini

Both tend to find consensus on an emotional and mental level.  Leo feels he must always be the center of attraction but feels neglected when Gemini becomes absorbed elsewhere. Leo’s desire to take control may overpower Gemini’s free spirit. If both agree to let each other be free to be their own authentic selves, a sparkling combination is made. When a Leo and a Gemini team up, they can show more sparkle than “Sparkle Josh” from HGTV’s season two DesignStar!   Their mutual love of laughter and life gives them great common ground and they can even teach each other a thing or two. Those dazzling Gemini’s will make their handsome head of the pride relax more knowing that as a result, they will be bestowed with Leo’s generosity and wonderful warmth.

Gemini has a way with words and Leo is wired for forgiveness. Any war wounds heal quickly after their battles or disagreements in their partnership. There’s an ebullient theatrical atmosphere to this union and a wonderful time in their mind is time spent in a movie theater after dinner out at their favorite frou-frou type restaurant.  Have tickets to the ballet, opera or symphony?  You’ll find ample Gemini/ Leo pairings there too.   After a night out on the town, a Gemini and Leo couple head straight for home to have their own delectable Sexcapades, almost seeming to melt into one another.  Only now is Gem at a loss for words. Outside their Romper Room for sex, they continue to be a caring couple and the child like charm of the Gemini will captivate that large Leo heart.

Leo is extremely drawn to Gemini by his sex appeal. Gemini has brawn, good looks and a brain.  Leo finds Gemini’s qualities to be very hot, very sexy. Gemini is witty and can make Leo laugh in a heartbeat which is another plus. Leo will be up for the challenge of mysterious Gemini. Gemini thinks Leo is the best looking lover they have ever had. There is great sex potential and long-term possibility. To make this pairing work, Leo should provide Gemini lots of freedom and keep his sense of humor available at all times. Leo will need to tone down his dramatic episodes and laziness if his strong desire to keep Gemini in the pride. Gemini should always be aloof and remain a mystery to Leo at all times to assure his rightful spot in the pride. Both Leo and Gemini love to party and will share great conversations together, which is a bonus. Don’t keep secrets from Leo, Gemini!

It’s easy to read the Gemini profile and see that they can be interesting, sexy cool individuals, given a gift off phenomenal communication ability, strong sense of adventure and their protective nature of their world filled with positive thoughts and lots of fun. Not to mention their enthusiasm for “knock your socks off” mind blowing sex! Based on this compilation of opinions and made-up-in-the-head “Action Drama for the Comatose”, These “experts” seem to have equated Leo and his Gem to a three star rating on a five star rating scale, Gemini and Leo as astrological signs are said to have enough in common, and enough dissimilarity, to keep things interesting and exciting when coupled. We all know that there’s so much more to this pairing; much more than the quick version making up this blog. There are some very titillating highlights now shared, and after writing this, I don’t feel all that ashamed to be a Gemini anymore. Who wrote this blog anyway? Was it a Gemini? There’s one particular Leo/ Gemini duo that seems to be living up to their astrological reputations indeed!

Why Am I Being So Mean?

I used to describe myself as having an “ascerbic” personality when in reality, I’m just a sarchastic son-of-a-bitch sometimes. I can be sarchastic when I feel as though I’m not being understood or heard, and I can be sarchastic to anyone. But I don’t understand why I’ve been so sarchastic toward Christopher lately. I am being mean toward him. I am saying hurtful things. Words that hurt and that he carries with him for a long time. Words which stop him from doing his art or poetry because I referred to it as “stupid shit”.

This isn’t really me.

So the other night, Joel and I talked about tools that I could have to stop the mean and sarchastic behavior. I know what it feels like – what I feel in my body just as I’m about to feel like saying something mean or sarchastic. It’s a burning in my stomach. When I feel that, I’ll have something I’ll say to give Christopher a sign that we’re going down that dark path. Whatever it is I say, maybe it will be something like, “I need to regroup”, this will then create some very sacred, impenetrable space for me to take like five minutes to use my STAR technique (in one of my earlier blogs). Using STAR, I’ll redirect to a healthy alternative and not be so mean and cruel to a man who deserves so much more from me. It’s amazing how we as humans can so easily hurt the one’s we love. And I love Christopher with all of my heart and soul!