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You Are In Integrity
Posted by Mark Schmitz
“You are in integrity when the life you live is an authentic expression of who you are.” — Alan Cohen
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Posted in 12 Step Program, About Me, Addiction, Adversity, Afraid, AIDS, Arizona, Art, Artistic, Astrological Sign, Astrological Sign Gemini, Astrological Sign Leo, Astrological Sign Taurus, Astrology, Authenticity, Awareness, Beta level, Bi Polar, Birthday, Blogging, Boundaries, brain, bring on the rain, butterfly, California emissions, Care of our Earth, Challenge, Change, Changling, Chemical Dependency, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Chinese Astrology, Christian, christianity, community, Conflict, Confrontation, connection, Consciousness, Controversy, coupling, Courage, Courage, course of right action, Creativity, Creator, Death and Dying, deceit, Decision, Decision Making, Decision Making Tool, Defects, Delusion, Depression, Depression, Dificulty, Digital Photography, Dishonest, Dispute, Drug Addiction, Dysfunction, Economic Choices, Emission Standards, End of Relationship, Enthusiasm, Environment, Extinct, Faith, Family, Fear, feelings, Fiction, Food, forgiveness, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Game playing, Gay, Gay Domestic Violence, Gay Relationship, Gay, Lesbian Bi-sexual, Transgendered, Queer [GLBTQ], Gemini, Gemini compatability, George Bush, god, God the Universe and Our Higher Power as We Know it, Gossip, Gratitude, Grocery Products, Grocery Stores, Happiness, Hate, Healing, Health, Help, HIV, Holidays, Homelessness, Homosexual, Honesty, Hope, How to overcome Depression, Humanity, Humiliation, Hurt emotions, Imbolc, Inner Self, inspiration, Integrity, Intimacy, Jose Silva, Leo, Leo compatability, Leo Personality traits, Life, Life's Lessons, Loneliness, Love, Love Letters, Lying, Lyrics, meditation, Mental Health, Mind Control, Music, Narcissism, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Natural Resources, nature, Negative, New Age, Opinions, Passion, Past Transgressions, People in your life, Perfection, Personal Growth, Personality, Pets, Phoenix, Photo Edit, photography, Poetry, Positive Attitude, Positive Thinking, Prayer, Procrastination, Purpose of Life, Recovery, Relationships, Resentment, Seasons, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self Will, Self-forgiveness, Self-improvement, Sex Addiction, Sexuality, Shame, Short Story, Shortcomings, Silva, Silva International, Silva Method, sobriety, Solitude, Song Lyrics, Spirituality, St. Francis of Assisi, Struggle, Suffering, Suicide, Suicide Prevention, Taurus Compatability, Taurus Personality traits, Tough Times, Trust Personal Growth, Truth, Unitarian Universalism, Unitarian Universalist, Valentine's Day, Video Clip, Viking Runes, Vindictive, Violence, Vortex energy, Weakness, Wearing of masks, Wicca, Wizard of Oz, Your Star, Zodiac
Tags: 12 Step Program, About Me, Addiction, Adele, Adversity, Afraid, AIDS, Alan Cohen, Albus Dumbledore, Amy Winehouse, Arizona, Art, Artistic, Astrological Sign, Astrological Sign Gemini, Astrological Sign Leo, Astrological Sign Taurus, Astrology, Authenticity, Awareness, Beta level, Bi Polar, Birthday, Blogging, Boundaries, brain, bring on the rain, butterfly, California emissions, Care of our Earth, Challenge, Change, Changling, Chemical Dependency, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Chinese Astrology, Christian, christianity, community, Conflict, confrontation, connection, Consciousness, Controversy, coupling, Courage, course of right action, Creativity, Creator, Death and Dying, deceit, Decision, Decision Making, Decision Making Tool, Defects, Delusion, Depression, Dificulty, Digital Photography, Dishonest, Dispute, Drug Addiction, Dysfunction, Economic Choices, Emission Standards, End of Relationship, Enthusiasm, Environment, Extinct, Faith, Family, Fear, feelings, Fiction, Food, Forgiveness, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Game playing, Gay, Gay Domestic Violence, Gay Relationship, Gemini, Gemini compatability, George Bush, god, God the Universe and Our Higher Power as We Know it, Gossip, Gratitude, Grocery Products, Grocery Stores, happiness, Hate, Healing, Health, Help, HIV, Holidays, homelessness, Homosexual, Honesty, Hope, How to overcome Depression, Humanity, humiliation, Hurt emotions, Imbolc, Inner Self, inspiration, Integrity, Intimacy, J. K. Rowling, Jose Silva, Leo, Leo compatability, Leo Personality traits, Lesbian Bi-sexual, Life, Life's Lessons, Loneliness, Love, Love Letters, Lying, Lyrics, meditation, Mental Health, Mind, Mind Control, Music, Narcissism, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Natural Resources, nature, Negative, New Age, Opinions, Passion, Past Transgressions, People in your life, Perfection, Personal Growth, Personality, Pets, Phoenix, Photo Edit, photography, Poetry, Pornography, Positive attitude, Positive Thinking, Prayer, procrastination, Purpose of Life, Queer [GLBTQ], R. Kelly, Recovery, Relationships, Religion and Spirituality, Resentment, Seasons, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self Will, Self-forgiveness, Self-improvement, Sex Addiction, Sexuality, Shame, Short Story, Shortcomings, Silva, Silva International, Silva Method, sobriety, Solitude, Song Lyrics, Spirituality, St. Francis of Assisi, Struggle, Suffering, Suicide, Suicide Prevention, Taurus Compatability, Taurus Personality traits, The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Thought, Tough Times, Transgendered, Trust, Truth, Unitarian Universalism, Unitarian Universalist, United States, Valentine's Day, Video Clip, Viking Runes, Vindictive, Violence, Vortex energy, Weakness, Wearing of masks, Wicca, Wizard of Oz, Your Star, Zodiac
Ask for Help
Posted by Mark Schmitz
“Asking for help does not mean we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.” — Anne Wilson Schaef
I’ve received a lot of help lately. Most from my dearest friend and some from people I never imagined I would receive so much of their time or efforts. I don’t like to ask. I’ll spend more energy talking about how hard it is for me to ask, than the energy I’d expend simply asking for what I need.
Many of us may have grown up in isolation and with shame being constantly reinforced the way I did. Help began to feel like a luxury reserved for other people. I thought I didn’t deserve it. I thought I should be able to handle everything. I failed to realize just when I needed help, because I’m so accustomed to living life in a “crisis mode.” I tell myself that my concerns and problems aren’t important enough to bother somebody with. Then, when life becomes really complicated, I blame myself for feeling overwhelmed and almost unable to act.
But we all deserve help. We deserve all the help that we may want and need, whether it’s a ride to an appointment or for someone’s shoulder to cry on when we’re sad or upset. We are worth the time, effort and concern of others – not because any of us is different, but because we are the same.
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Posted in Challenge, Change, Courage, Family, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Gratitude, Help, Honesty, Inner Self, inspiration, Life, Life's Lessons, Love, Mental Health, Opinions, People in your life, Perfection, Personal Growth, Positive Attitude, Positive Thinking, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self Will, Self-forgiveness, Self-improvement, Shortcomings, Struggle, Suffering, Tough Times
Tags: Ask for Help, Assistance, Change, Deserve Help, Help, Helping hand, Honesty, Life, life crisis, life in crisis mode, Love, Meet needs, Needs, Personal Growth, Positive attitude, Positive Thinking, Positivity, reach out, Relationships, Request, Requesting Help, Shortcomings, Struggle, Tough Times
I Feel As Though I’ve Lost My Way In This World
Posted by Mark Schmitz
“If you are alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.” — Source unknown.
My life seems so incredibly fucked up now. Even I have grown tired of the constant, seemingly endless drama that I consistently seem to manifest about me.
I have shared openly and with honest and authentic admission that I have not always lived life as a man of integrity. Lies, deceptions, illusions, delusions once filled my life. No one really knew who I was back then. The pain that I carry, the result of the shame, guilt and true remorse are difficult to still bear. I make my own best attempts to forgive myself and live by the commitments I have made to a life of rigorous honesty. I revel in my new, authentic life and the easy cadence it brings.
However there are some who I have hurt in the past that refuse to see me as the man I am today and not the fool I was before. Rather than try to see my progress, I am forced to swallow the bile of their resentments and my born again guilt. I reach out to them at times like this for their love and support. How many times can I hit “rock bottom” and how much worse can it get? The problems I face in my life now contribute to anxiety and that feeling of being “lost.” I have people; friends or “family of choice” with one best friend Trish who is so calm, patient and willing to learn, that I truly know what unconditional love feels like. She very well could be that angel I’ve asked for!
When does it ever stop? What do these “detractors” get from holding their resentments so dear? When can I be seen as the man I am today, rather than the monster of my past? How can family turn-off their love and sit idly by while I grow more and more lost, alone and afraid? I have begged for their help. Their refusal is like a nightmare; if they needed my help I wouldn’t think twice. I would do what I could. I still love them, even now, as they turn away.
I have worked so hard and tried to follow a path toward personal growth. I’ve learned so much along the way, but now I feel so lost in my fears and find myself dwelling in these feelings of abandonment and betrayal. These behaviors I know are preventing me from initiating my solution to my challenges. I want to learn whatever it is I am supposed to from this lesson and move on. I want a life filled with the love and joy of family and friends.
Please, send me an angel…
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Posted in About Me, Adversity, Afraid, Awareness, Boundaries, Change, Conflict, Confrontation, Controversy, Depression, Dysfunction, Economic Choices, Faith, Family, Fear, feelings, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Gratitude, Happiness, Honesty, Hope, How to overcome Depression, Humanity, Humiliation, Hurt emotions, Inner Self, inspiration, Life, Life's Lessons, Loneliness, Love, Lying, Mental Health, Opinions, Past Transgressions, People in your life, Personal Growth, Personality, Positive Attitude, Positive Thinking, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Resentment, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self Will, Self-forgiveness, Self-improvement, Shame, Shortcomings, Spirituality, Tough Times, Trust Personal Growth, Truth, Vindictive, Weakness
Tags: Abandonment, Angel, Betrayal, Change, despair, Fear, Forgiveness, Health, Help, Help yourself, homeless, homelessness, Honesty, Integrity, Life, Life challenge, Love, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Relationships, Resentment, Self-forgiveness, Self-help, Send me an angel, Sexual abuse, someone help me, Taking Responsibility for Your Own Life