Category Archives: Trust Personal Growth

Omnipotent and Ageless: Your Majesty the Baby

majesty-baby

“In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us.”  — Rilke

Too often we imagine life as sort of a magic carpet ride taking us wherever we wish to go.  Perhaps we’re watching television and an ad hooks into some fantasy we have in our mind and convinces us the world is at our beck and call.   We are omnipotent again, just as we were in infancy – “Your Majesty the Baby!”

But what would such a “magical” life yield in terms of change and growth?  Why would we even bother to strive if we could have everything we want or crave?  We would be the same at age fifty as we were at thirty and fifteen and five months – “Your Majesty the Baby!”

We need change and for the most part a majority of us are able to welcome it, even if change means some difficult growing pains.  With a little guidance from the Universe, we can strive toward an abundance of goodness.  We are omnipotent, but we are not alone.  We are part of a human community, and we can be in touch with that Power which is beyond ourselves.  That is the real miracle!

 


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You Are In Integrity

“You are in integrity when the life you live is an authentic expression of who you are.” — Alan Cohen

 

I Am Being Looked After

 

I Will Continue to Fulfill My Commitments to Peace and Grace

 

“Can such thing be, and overcome us like a summer’s cloud, without our special wonder?” — William Shakespeare

 

To overcome my feeling of being lost, alone and afraid; overwhelmed by the challenges I now face, I am going through my “tool belt” of coping mechanisms that I have added along life’s way.  To reclaim my ability to take part again in life, I have discovered that I must reclaim the gift of commitment.  I have many personal commitments: living life fully and authentically, my growing spirituality, working on my special relationships with my closest friends and sharing my experiences of personal discovery and growth through my writing.  I have come to realize that it is a moment of wonder when we have something in our lives that requires the best we have to give.

During times of doubt or struggle, I find myself questioning what I’ve gotten myself into. But an activity or a person to which we give ourselves wholly and freely is evidence of a force greater than ourselves at work in our life.  I believe my commitments are something the Universe has asked me to do and I know absolutely and without a doubt that the Universe will help me take care of meeting all of them.

Money, support and the energy and enthusiasm needed will come as well and at the perfect time.  Although it may seem that things may not be going my way, I can trust that the Universe is giving to me all that I need so that my lessons can be learned and tasks can be accomplished.  This knowledge and belief helps to keep my spirits up.  Each day I have before me a wonderful opportunity to fulfill my commitments in peace and grace.  I am being looked after.


 

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I Feel As Though I’ve Lost My Way In This World

 

“If you are alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”  — Source unknown.

 

My life seems so incredibly fucked up now.  Even I have grown tired of the constant, seemingly endless drama that I consistently seem to manifest about me.

I have shared openly and with honest and authentic admission that I have not always lived life as a man of integrity.  Lies, deceptions, illusions, delusions once filled my life.  No one really knew who I was back then.  The pain that I carry, the result of the shame, guilt and true remorse are difficult to still bear.  I make my own best attempts to forgive myself and live by the commitments I have made to a life of rigorous honesty.  I revel in my new, authentic life and the easy cadence it brings.

However there are some who I have hurt in the past that refuse to see me as the man I am today and not the fool I was before.  Rather than try to see my progress, I am forced to swallow the bile of their resentments and my born again guilt.  I reach out to them at times like this for their love and support.  How many times can I hit “rock bottom” and how much worse can it get?  The problems I face in my life now contribute to anxiety and that feeling of being “lost.”  I have people; friends or “family of choice” with one best friend Trish who is so calm, patient and willing to learn, that I truly know what unconditional love feels like. She very well could be that angel I’ve asked for!

When does it ever stop?  What do these “detractors” get from holding their resentments so dear?  When can I be seen as the man I am today, rather than the monster of my past?  How can family turn-off their love and sit idly by while I grow more and more lost, alone and afraid?  I have begged for their help.  Their refusal is like a nightmare; if they needed my help I wouldn’t think twice.  I would do what I could.  I still love them, even now, as they turn away.

I have worked so hard and tried to follow a path toward personal growth.  I’ve learned so much along the way, but now I feel so lost in my fears and find myself dwelling in these feelings of abandonment and betrayal.  These behaviors I know are preventing me from initiating my solution to my challenges.  I want to learn whatever it is I am supposed to from this lesson and move on.  I want a life filled with the love and joy of family and friends.

Please, send me an angel…

 


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Reading Between the Lines

vital-signs

 

I’m walking down the line
that divides me somewhere in my mind
on the border line of the edge
and where I walk alone

Read between the lines what’s
fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I’m still alive
And I walk alone

Green Day – Boulevard of Broken Dreams Lyrics

Too often, I find that I am superstitious and interpret signs that appear in life in negative or hostile ways.  Because I don’t believe in myself, it is then that I tend to think that fate is against me.

But life isn’t for or against any of us.  If we are attentive, we will see many signs of promise during each day; signs of promise, signs of goodness, and signs of beauty.  If we trust ourselves and the Universe, we will know how to interpret the world and use it to do good things.

Sometimes, we may be unsure of our next step or even our general direction in life.  If we are patient and alert to the world around us, we will pick up on the many hints and clues that will help us on our way – a telephone call from a friend, a warm hug, a chance encounter, a job offer, a word of advice from a special loved one.  When we are ready, we’ll know how to respond and what to do.

One thing we can learn to be sure of: in this world of signs, we are not alone.  We don’t want to believe in a hostile fate, do we?  The world is good and we can find our way in it by being patient and learning to read the signs.

The handwriting on the wall may be a forgery.  — Ralph Hodgson


A Moment of Awareness is a Moment of Grace

My inside, listen to me, the greatest spirit,

The Teacher, is near,

wake up, wake up!

Oh, friend, I love you, think this over

Carefully! If you are in love,

then why are you asleep?

— Anonymous

I know when I have met a challenge in my life; when I become suddenly aware of new knowledge. It’s as if a light goes on, and things suddenly make sense. One friend of mine refers to this as “a blinding flash of the obvious.” It’s important to take such a moment of awareness seriously; it is a cue that a lesson has been learned and that it’s time to move on.

In the past, not trusting myself and not in touch with my connectedness to the Universe, I relied on unhealthy ways to make sense of my life. The more I used intellect and will to manage and run my life, the less I accomplished.

A moment of awareness is a moment of grace. It’s as if the Universe gives us a wonderful gift, and we can turn right around and say, “So that’s what this is all about!” Receptiveness to such a moment gives us the willingness to trust where we have been and the strength to go where our life calls us next. I will always cherish the awareness in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Better To Bend Than Break

 

 

There’s an old fable about the competition between the reed and the oak during a gale storm.  As the wind howled, the oak boasted, while the reed said nothing.  The wind became a tempest, and the reed bent down flexibly to the ground.  The oak fell, uprooted.

THE OAK AND THE REED

On the bank of a river grew a tall Oak Tree.
It stood with its roots firm in the ground,
and its head high in the air, and said to itself:

“How strong I am! Nothing shall make
me bow. I look down upon all the other trees.”

But one day there was a storm. The terri-
ble unseen wind came and struck the proud
Oak. Crash! went the trunk, down came all
the beautiful branches, and the Tree fell into
the river. As the water carried it away, it
passed by a Reed that grew on the bank.
The little Reed stood up tall and slender, and
looked at the poor broken Tree.

“O Reed,” said the Tree, “how did it happen
that you were not broken down and spoiled
when the wind came? You are so little and
weak, and I was so strong and proud.”

“Ah! poor Tree,” said the Reed, “that is
just the reason that the wind did not hurt me.
I bent low until it had gone by, but you stood
stiff, and tried to stop it on its way. No one
can stop the wind. It must go where it is sent,
but it will not hurt those who are not proud
and stubborn.”

It is better to yield – bend when logic demands it, or break [be destroyed] by pride.

Sometimes we seem strong but we are just being stubborn.  We become rigid in our moral positions and don’t even try to understand the problems of those around us.  We like to be thought of as uncompromising and tough.

Maybe we’re frightened.  Perhaps we fear that if we even start to compromise we will be lost; on sign of weakness and the dam will burst and we’ll be up to our old tricks again.

Don’t confuse rigidity with true strength.  To be strong we need to be tolerant, responsive, and gentle.  We need to be strong in a loving, flexible, human way.  This is a central part of one’s personal growth.

Boundaries: Where I Start and Where I End

lartificial-boundaries

“It is an old an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way.”  — Rollo May

Our boundaries are both inside and outside ourselves.  No one can set them for us; we can only set them.  For many of us, boundaries are often unfamiliar.  We may wonder, what are they?  How do we use them? Some of us may have come from families where, as children, our boundaries were disregarded; perhaps creating a pattern we continue to live out as adults.

Starting to set boundaries for ourselves takes time and lots of practice.  Because the experience is so unfamiliar, we may find ourselves vacillating between two extremes – holding back out fear of blurring our boundaries, or acting as if we have no boundaries at all.  But our willingness to set boundaries and stick with them brings a clearer sense of who we are.  We begin to learn where we start and end.  We start to learn the same about other people.  With boundaries comes a new sense of self-respect because they become our affirmations to ourselves that we are not objects to be trampled upon or used, but rather human beings, with dignity.

One way to create boundaries with people is to show priorities in our relationships.  In the past, out of loneliness or neediness, we may have talked to anyone, whether the person wanted to listen or not.  In this mixed-up world, we would find ourselves withholding our true feelings from people close to us, and spilling them instead on the cashier at the grocery store.

As we grow in self-esteem. Our relationships improve and we act in positive ways to meet our needs.  Then we have a better sense of who we are.  We make choices in our relationships and take responsibility for them. We learn to bear the pain of boundaries that are not respected and enjoy the peace from those that are.

We no longer need to give ourselves away in bits and pieces; we know now what it is like to be whole.  We can simultaneously have acquaintances, friends, co-workers, and even close, intimate relationships in our lives.  We can trust we will act appropriately and that our boundaries will keep us safe.