Regaining Lost Pride and Lost Hope

“And nothing to look backward to with pride and nothing to look forward to with hope.” — Robert Frost

I am growing from, and getting over my sense of lost pride and lost hope. Often, my life seemed poisoned at the very source. I can’t remember a time of innocence, joy, or confidence in myself or in my relationships with others. I was sexually abused when I was a young child. I know the pain from that abuse and the stress associated with “keeping the secret” made me feel unsure of my boundaries and re framed my view of the future to one of anxiety and dread. But things are in fact beginning to change, as I change.

To go forward, I have had to admit to powerlessness. That has been hard for me to do. I must admit that I am powerless to undo the hurt and abuse in my past. And I have learned that I can’t “go it alone”. I have been alone way too long! I have my “new and improved” Self, the Universe, and my close friends to trust and confer with.

I am overcoming my past and turning toward the future with growing hope and trust. And then the present, like the New Year, becomes filled with promise. For those that know me well, also know that this “re framing” was difficult and can share with me the joy in my ability to change my way of thinking.


About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on December 28, 2010, in Blogging, Boundaries, Change, Childhood, Family, Friends, Friendship, Hope, Intimacy, Love, Opinions, Personal Growth, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. When the court took away my only child and handed her over to my ex wife who is intent on not letting me see her or being involved in her life, I am filled with anger, hate, tears, loss, fear, anxiety, and now I see, a loss of my self sense of pride. My dignity has been taken away with my family, my love, my hope for the future, my confidence and my desire to interact with the world around me.

    I never realized how important pride was to me. I was a very proud fellow. Proud of my career. Proud of my accomplishments. Proud of every project I worked on. Proud of my family. But now, it all seems so pointless. I feel dead to the world.

    • You still are a proud fellow aren’t you? Can you still see your success in your career, accomplishments, projects and family? Those seem as though they would be unattached to the outcome from the court action regarding your family. Pride will be a product of your own self-reflection once you forgive yourself. Rid yourself of the anger, hate, resentments, fear and anxiety.

  1. Pingback: I Feel As Though I’ve Lost My Way In This World « Mark's Weblog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: