Human misery must somewhere have a stop:
There is no wind that always blows a storm.
It’s easy to think we’ll always be in the same boat, that our characters are fixed, our habits unalterable. “This is who I am. You can take me or leave me.” I know that when I find myself saying similar words to myself or thinking in this way, I often mean, “When you know who I really am, you will leave me.” No one is predestined to be a certain person or to behave in a particular way.
No one stops growing and changing either. We have to have faith in the immense possibilities of movement and growth. Life itself is more than winds and storms. It can be calm, changeable, hot, dry, mellow, promising, gloomy, bright, serene and even phenomenal!
We can match life’s immense diversity of moods. We are a part of life; part of all this wondrous change and diversity and if we are not afraid to let ourselves go a bit, we can be as variable and flexible as life itself.
- Letter: My Life in Therapy (nytimes.com)
- Friends share personal details to strengthen relationships in United States, but not in Japan, study finds (sciencedaily.com)
- If-then plans help protect us from the ‘to hell with it’ effect (bps-research-digest.blogspot.com)
“I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go.” — Stephen Sondheim. Dot in Sunday in the Park with George.
To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn’t logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.
Love is a process; it doesn’t end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we’ve made and to forgive whatever hurt we’ve received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.
“She looks for me. God. Let her look for me and tell me why she left me.” — Stephen Sondheim. George in Sunday in the Park with George.
To be left by someone we love is to experience a break in the heart’s flow. To be left is to endure unanswered questions, to feel fear, anger, rejection, grief. It is life in the passive tense: we did not leave – we were left. Spiritual separation, when the bond of two spirits has been severed by someone else’s choice, hurts badly. Where is the hope? How do we go on? At its most painful, being left even brings the question, “Do I want to go on?” Once we answer yes to this, we can start to heal.
We can choose to accept what is. We can find our way with the help of the Universe’s grace and the support of people who love us and want us in their lives. To yield to someone’s wish to end a relationship is an act of respect. To want the best for someone, even when it means enduring our own loss, is an act of love. Honestly grieving the loss of someone is a sign that healing is already beginning to take place.