“Maybe you can’t see the storm that lies just ahead. But I can. Believe me, it’s there.”
Confronting issues openly and honestly can be difficult. Many, like me are afraid of the reaction they’ll get from the person they are confronting. With that fear firmly embedded in one’s psyche, looking the other way and acting like the problem isn’t there becomes the easy way out. Or so it seems. Looking the other way really doesn’t make matters easier at all. In fact, it makes them worse. Problems often just don’t go away without some action.
I haven’t faced some very big issues and challenges that have been in my life for too long now. But I see clearly that I can’t let these problems linger. In my situation the problems have grown and the result is more and more hurt to me. I feel fear of the reaction I expect to receive. My fears I know after giving it long thought are grounded in reality and not based on my imagination. To get myself beyond this fear, I will have to have the necessary support around me to protect me. With my support in place I will face my problems. I must remember that storms don’t last forever. Eventually the sun does shine again, and life was nourished by the rains. I will come out of this a better person.
“I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go.” — Stephen Sondheim. Dot in Sunday in the Park with George.
To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn’t logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.
Love is a process; it doesn’t end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we’ve made and to forgive whatever hurt we’ve received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.
“She looks for me. God. Let her look for me and tell me why she left me.” — Stephen Sondheim. George in Sunday in the Park with George.
To be left by someone we love is to experience a break in the heart’s flow. To be left is to endure unanswered questions, to feel fear, anger, rejection, grief. It is life in the passive tense: we did not leave – we were left. Spiritual separation, when the bond of two spirits has been severed by someone else’s choice, hurts badly. Where is the hope? How do we go on? At its most painful, being left even brings the question, “Do I want to go on?” Once we answer yes to this, we can start to heal.
We can choose to accept what is. We can find our way with the help of the Universe’s grace and the support of people who love us and want us in their lives. To yield to someone’s wish to end a relationship is an act of respect. To want the best for someone, even when it means enduring our own loss, is an act of love. Honestly grieving the loss of someone is a sign that healing is already beginning to take place.