Good-bye My Love





“I left because there was no room for me.  But you could tell me not to go.  Say it to me.  Tell me not to go.”  — Stephen Sondheim.  Dot in Sunday in the Park with George. 

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection.  Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much.  But the heart isn’t logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye. 

Love is a process; it doesn’t end because we say good-bye.  No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person.  The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we’ve made and to forgive whatever hurt we’ve received.  We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation.  Those feelings are born out of illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves.  Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.


About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on April 2, 2009, in About Me, Addiction, Afraid, Boundaries, Change, Conflict, Courage, course of right action, deceit, Decision, Decision Making, Depression, Dificulty, Dishonest, Dispute, End of Relationship, Fear, feelings, forgiveness, Gay, Gay Relationship, Gay, Lesbian Bi-sexual, Transgendered, Queer [GLBTQ], Healing, Honesty, Hurt emotions, Inner Self, inspiration, Intimacy, Life, Life's Lessons, Love, Love Letters, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Personality, Positive Thinking, Recovery, Relationships, Self Discovery, Self-forgiveness, Shame, Spirituality, Tough Times and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I am speechless. What an amazing post. You are such a talented writer and I love your perspective on life. Your blog is one of my favorites and I have barely had a chance to dig.

    • Thank you for your kind words. My posts are simply a result of the lessons I learn through life. Sometimes what I write is quite raw, but always a very honest sharing of my thoughts. Please, keep reading!

      All my very best,

  2. It is sometimes useful to question what we are taught. One thing we are taught is that forgiveness is good for us, that we are strongest when we forgive others. It is possible that forgiving others is bad for us. It can make us wimpy or too soft, and reinforce the idea that we are willing victims.

    Each person has to evaluate forgiveness. I have found it to be too damaging. I am closer to President Kennedy’s position: “Either forgive or forget; never both.”

    John Bryan Stone

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