Blog Archives

My Daily Tarot Card [January 27, 2009]

Giving me some direction for my day, I enjoy sharing my more poignant tarot readings that I do that I do on a daily basis. 

aceofswords

The Ace of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in cause and effect. With great power comes great responsibility. Do the right thing or state the obvious and the ‘pen will be mightier than the Sword.’ The truth will set me free. It’s the principle of the thing. Get it in writing. I am empowered by intention and my virtue is my promise, commitment or vow.

Advertisements

Our First Priority Must Be Our Individual Recovery

agony1_edited

“Our first priority must be our individual recovery; only when we have succeeded in improving our self-esteem will we be able to be in a relationship truly by choice and not our of dependency.”  – Jennifer and Burt Schneider

Sex is not glue. It doesn’t keep people with us. We’ve often misunderstood sexuality and intimacy when we were active in our addictive process, because our addiction distorted our experiences.

Finding the way to real intimacy with ourselves, friends, a significant other, or our family is difficult. But we know that real intimacy is a connection that is natural.

It takes self-esteem to know that someone loves us for ourselves and wants to be with us just because we are who we are. There’s no way we can control our relationships, especially a relationship intimate enough to be sexual. We just have to let go, and trust. That’s true freedom.

 I am always a sexual being, whether I choose to express my sexuality or not. The energy and goodness of my sexuality are my unique gifts from God.

My Tarot Card for December 25, 2008 ~ The 5 of Pentacles

pent5

 

The Five of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in defiance. I am willing to reject the sure thing or accept excommunication to try to make it on my own, rather than endure the status quo or submit to conditions that assume I am invisible — in this, I have nothing to lose. I accept responsibility for the difficulties ahead and do not seek pity for having chosen to move against the grain. I am empowered by mutual support and my assets are self-worth, hope, and pride.

My Daily Tarot Card – The Judgment Card

The Judgement card suggests that the alter ego is The Compassionate One, whose superpower lies in revelation of life and worldly events. Reflect a sense of gratitude for life and those involved by showing humility, forgiveness and charity. By doing so, feel a strong redemption for past events — a great liberating feeling. I have punished myself enough and am free at last. Clearing the conscience through forgiving myself and others can bring an overwhelming sense of peace and joy. jusgment1

“Don’t Make Me Come Down There!”

“There must be the listening ear, as well as the still small voice.” – God Calling

In the past when I needed help, I coped through addictions and tools in my emotional tool belt which no longer were appropriate.  It helped me to escape, avoid reality and manipulate people.  Now that I have greater, healthier options, I have begun to act differently.  How can anyone do the same?

Well, practice makes perfect; I practice asking for help.  We can all start by staying aware of where we are vulnerable.  Prying shame from its grip on our self-esteem helps too.  We can know that we do not have to live by different rules than other people; we don’t have to be separate and isolated.  We don’t have to be perfect, only real and authentic.  Asking for help is O.K.

The Universe or one’s own Higher Power will provide all that is needed, and provide all the answers beyond what any human being could possible offer.  When we feel unable to reach out to others, even if we may want to, we can take a risk and turn to the Universe.  Turning to our previous unhealthy ways or to an addiction never solves anything; turning to the Universe or Higher Power will.

Who is it? Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?

 

“No legacy is so rich as honesty.” — Shakespeare

Only recently, have I begun the long, slow process of reconnecting with family and friends whom I abandoned when I chose a life of addiction and lies.  Are they running toward me with outstretched arms, embracing this new and improved me?  No.  I didn’t expect them to either.

You see, I spent much of my life living a lie.  I was split into two people, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and one of the two could never speak out, tell the truth or own up. Mr. Hyde gradually took over until everything was fraud, deception and betrayal.  And finally, I came to see my life in ruins.

So began my path toward sobriety, clean living and personal growth.  This meant Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – the two sides of me, had to find a way to work together.  I knew I had to win the trust and confidence of both fellows before one tore the other to pieces.

There is one way in: honesty.  I came to know that Mr. Hyde works in the darkness of deceit and opens up to the light that steams in when I speak openly and honestly.  And this light endures: honesty doesn’t only give momentary insight; it leaves a legacy that lasts a lifetime.

Consensual Inferiority

 

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Even though we may deny it, there are those of us that may secretly want to be hurt by others; since, in some strange abhorrent way, we think that is what we deserve.  Before I became clean and sober, I lost my good opinion of myself; I indulged in actions that placed me in situations of humiliation and debasement.  It’s a sad truth, but I found comfort there, finding a sort of release from tension through degrading acts.

For those readers who may relate even remotely to such degradement, resolve with me to reject humiliation.  I find that through talking to others, that life is rich and varied and open – I want to join in!  There was a woman sitting across from me on the bus the other day, and I noticed that from her purse hung a long chain of Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) sobriety chips; the one most prominent boasting 30 months sobriety. This woman was riding the bus with two others, who I eventually came to know as her husband and daughter.

As I watched this woman interacting with her family, seeing their big smiling faces, listening to their jests and laughter, I thought how alive they looked.  Not ghostly images of addicts going unnoticed as life moves about them, but rather, they were engaged in life.  I wanted to join in!

We do not have to continue to find false comfort and release in acts that come back to haunt us and humiliate us.  There is no more room in my life for feelings of inferiority or worthlessness.  There are ways for us all to gain self-esteem and a sense of true value of our lives.

Try Looking at Things in New and Different Ways

“If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm.”  –Elizabeth Bowen

A narrow view, especially one that is attached to an obsession, is going to produce a very partial perspective on life.  Many of us may have come to believe that everyone is always fantasizing, acting out, getting involved in some kind of sexual escapade and being miserable.  That’s the way the world is, but from just one point of view.  And it’s scary!

I’m learning how to reach out to others.  As I do, I see things differently, as if I put a different lens on my camera.  I get a new perspective.  I become an involved, caring, and committed person.  I didn’t know before how life could be so rich and give so much.  Now I see others as well as myself.

What made the difference?  Sanity.  When I stopped seeing others only from my crazy, addicted point of view, I returned to sobriety and love and sane behavior.  I am learning to look at things in new ways and to ask for help along the way.

Look Fear Right in its Face!

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

One of the things I know I have gained through recovery and personal growth is that I have been given courage in the face of life’s darker realities. Now, I’m even more enthusiastic to offer my help to others in the face of addiction, depression, mental illness, physical illness and any other of life’s calamities. I know I can help, because I can say, “I’ve been there.” I’ve gone through so much, and I’ve come out of it on the other side. I understand the fear.

What a tremendous gift this can all be to others, given by those of us who understand the fear. Especially, for those facing their recovery issues after us. Our presence, our support, our unconditional love, and our non judgmental attitude are often what another suffering person needs. Our experiences as addicts, individuals challenged with mental illness – you name it – whatever other fear based dilemma we have faced, have given us an understanding and wisdom.

We have the perspective to be practical and realistic when necessary. We have the empathy to be compassionate. We have the strength and clarity to keep our boundaries in the face of another’s challenges and fears. My courage I am feeling at this moment is my personal growth and recovery in action. For that, may we all be grateful!

For The Day… When You Realize You Can’t Stand Your Partner for One More Minute

This Is For The Day…

“We’re talking roots and wings; love that is magnetic enough to hold, yet magnanimous enough to allow for flight.”

~ Charles R. Swindoll ~


This is for the day when you realize you can’t stand your partner one more minute. It’s for the time when everything inside urges you to make a prompt, seemingly permanent retreat.

The statement, “No one ever said a relationship is easy” is an understatement for so many of us with the emotional baggage and set of experiences each of us holds. We must slow down and take care of ourselves during a difficult time with someone we love. We can take inventory of our thoughts and feelings. We can make a contract not to do something impulsive. We can take the relationship “Off of the bargaining table”. We can step back and view our problems with humor.

Somewhere inside each of us is love and a commitment to our partner. This love and commitment are real, no matter how exasperating, bewildering, or undeserving he or she seems to be right now. Say to yourself, “This, too, shall pass,” because believe me, it will. Ask the Universe for humility, patience, and detachment when having challenges in relationships.