Blog Archives

Facing Our Own Dishonesty


“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”  — Prov. 25:11

Facing our own dishonesty can be daunting, but maintaining absolute honesty is a basic premise of our recovery program.  12 Step programs of recovery describe it as “rigorous” honesty.  Belief that we can be honest without a solid commitment simply won’t work.

The more we grow, the more we develop our ability to make one choice at a time, to experience one feeling at a time, to tell the truth one situation at a time.  We admit to ourselves when we feel guilty, angry, fearful, and resentful – the negative feelings that are difficult to face.  Being honest is how we finally come to know what used to baffle us about our addiction.  When we create a unity between honest feeling, honest thinking, and honest action, we find that we have become honest people.  Personal honesty is a gift for which I thank the Universe every day.


Damn Heels Hurt! When In Pain, Who Knows Best Where it Hurts?


“Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.” – English proverb.

When I am in pain, I know where it hurts. Other people may be ready with suggestions and advice, but I am the only one who eventually can know what the matter is.

We are each a unique expression of humanity and we are the only ones who can live our lives. When we are stricken with addiction to compulsive behaviors, we know where it hurts and how much. While we may have to bear a lot of pain, we can name where it hurts and begin to do something about it. When this happens, it’s possible for others to come to our aid later on.

This is true whether in the program or on a path of personal growth. We know where the hurt is and we take that first baby step. In doing so, we turn to others who help us bear the pain and walk by our side on the open road to personal growth.

What Happens to You When You Feel Fear? This Is What Happens to Me.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. – One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

Nothing freezes me in my tracks like fear. How many times have we let fear stop us from doing what we really wanted to do? For me, I know fear stopped me in the past from finding new clients for my business, finding a job, being honest with someone close to me, finding a new place to live and even from asking someone out on a date. Even simple things, like checking email and voicemail have applied the brakes on my progress.  But I couldn’t do these things I mention and more, because I was afraid.

The truth is, the moment our fear takes control, our self-will also takes control. The first thing to do is to admit to ourselves that we’re afraid. The second is to find out why. Discovering why may mean calling someone to talk, meditating or taking a “personal inventory” of ourselves. To feel the fear lift is to have ourselves back again. Then, when we know how we feel, we’ll know what to do. Susan Jeffers, a well-known author puts it this way, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway.”