Blog Archives

Facing Our Own Dishonesty

 

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”  — Prov. 25:11

Facing our own dishonesty can be daunting, but maintaining absolute honesty is a basic premise of our recovery program.  12 Step programs of recovery describe it as “rigorous” honesty.  Belief that we can be honest without a solid commitment simply won’t work.

The more we grow, the more we develop our ability to make one choice at a time, to experience one feeling at a time, to tell the truth one situation at a time.  We admit to ourselves when we feel guilty, angry, fearful, and resentful – the negative feelings that are difficult to face.  Being honest is how we finally come to know what used to baffle us about our addiction.  When we create a unity between honest feeling, honest thinking, and honest action, we find that we have become honest people.  Personal honesty is a gift for which I thank the Universe every day.


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“For every person in your past with whom you feel unhealed but unable to go back and resolve, there is someone standing before you offering you the opportunity to practice the healing you believe you missed.” — Alan Cohen


Dispute Leads to Anger and Vindictiveness

 

“Only that action is just which does not harm either party to a dispute.” — Gandhi

Most of the disputes I have occur when I realize I have been lied to. I hate being lied to. I’m not stupid. I want to know that I’m dealing with people in “reality” rather than a fictitious world made up through lies. I find myself occasionally embroiled in a bitter dispute and feel determined at all costs to back a person into a corner to get them to admit to their lie, or to impose my solution to the dispute, even though I know it may cause the other person harm. I have come to know that I don’t really want a solution at all; I want revenge.

The wish to harm others may be derived from feeling that I have been hurt, perhaps as a child. I may be recalling feelings of being neglected, misunderstood, or even abused and assaulted. So to me, in my mind, the world owes me something and I intend to collect. I may even bear grudges and resentments against successful people, not because they have done me wrong, but merely because they are – successful.

I need to let my shame and sorrow out into the clear light of day. By opening myself up to others, I will surely find that together we can defuse my anger and want to hurt others. I can stand on equal footing with others and have no more need for resentment and rage.

I know that I am gradually getting rid of my secret shame that causes me to act out of anger and vindictiveness.

 

Where There Is No Forgiveness

Find Resentment and Retaliation

 

 

 

Without forgiveness life is governed…by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”– Roberto Assaglioli

 

I am well aware of the past harm I have done to myself and others and yet, my life continues to be a breeding ground for resentment.  I may think others have more than me, are better than me, more successful than I have been and I make-up in my mind that these people are looking down at me.  I make-up in my mind that there are people who are out to get me or are trying to harm me in retaliation for some past transgression I may have been the source of.  While there may be times or situations when I truly have been wronged, I have come to understand and believe that most of my resentments are most likely delusional.

Whatever the situation may have been, or stands now, it is so clear to me that for me to grow and move forward, I must learn to forgive myself, those I have wronged and begin a process of making things right.

Through forgiveness of myself and others, I begin to break through the cycle of hurt and retaliation.  I begin to know that there is a way out of the screwed-up, delusional dramas in my head, through forgiveness and acceptance which brings peace and tranquility to life.

Today I Feel Hatred

Hatred

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself” –Herman Hesse

Hatred, just like anger, has the potential to corrode and eats away at me, and I often end up being the loser. My life has been wrecked by the resentments and hostilities I have felt for others.

Why? Because hatred paralyzes me and prevents me from moving forward. I find myself becoming fixed in ugly feuds and rivalries and then I’m unable to go on with a happier life. I am in that dark place today and I am trying to take the necessary time I need to look within myself.   As I become more clear-sighted about my hatreds I find that they are often directed at parts of me that I dislike, or even fear. For example, I may hate a certain noise because I was afraid of a similar noise when I was a child; I may detest others’ sexual preferences because I fear it may secretly be my own.

Today, I despise someone’s manipulation, dishonesty and defensiveness about their previously communicated commitments and the fabricated lies and distortions they have created, all in trying to discredit me and what I know to be the truth.

While looking at this hatred I feel toward this person and being honest with myself, I am beginning to get to the root of my anger and hatred. As I continue this process of looking within I know I will be able to deal with my feelings, and let them be carried away by the winds of time. To help me until I have accomplished this, I have created an affirmation which goes, “I realize that my anger and hatred is often directed at myself. Now I am ready to work to get free of the hatred that cripples me.”