“Therefore, will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” — Thomas Merton
I am experiencing one of those times when I don’t seem to know where I am going. There are many changes going on around me and great insecurity which have caused me to feel far away from the love of the Universe and I don’t know how to find my way back.
During times like this, when I have no answers, is it enough to simply just ask questions? My inclination is to be in control, to put my mind to work and figure things out. But I am finding that some things simply can’t be dealt with only with logic. All I can seem to do is ask the questions, have faith in the answers as the Universe reveals them to me, and let go.
I’ve been told that I’ll find new faith by working through these situations where I don’t have the answers right away. Part of life’s wonder is its mystery. It takes faith to not only accept the mystery, but to embrace it and love it.
- Thomas Merton just emailed me. (lookingcloser.org)
- More Loaded “Questions For Atheists” (anadder.com)
- Rearranging the geometry of heaven (netnewmusic.net)
But What About the Agony that Results Without it?
“An old error is always more popular than a new truth” –German Proverb
I often feel uncomfortable with the “new” because it causes me to reach out and expand my vision. This may at times, be painful and I don’t like the pain that comes with change.
My previous unhealthy behaviors and actions seemed cozy and gave me a curious kind of comfort and reassurance. I turned to them when I was lonely or anxious or hopeless. I was used to them and didn’t need to do much to keep on going in the same old ways. I’m feeling the need to turn to some of those old ways today, due to pressures, stress and disconnection from my family and some friends.
But today, suddenly I saw the error of my old ways. Discovery, disgrace, previous suits for damages, my partner’s incarcerations, my resultant isolation, despair, the loss of two previous partners, the contempt of our friends – are all the consequences of the coziness of those old ways. Yes, I may have awakened to find that my past behaviors ruined my life. I once again reach out to the hard process of change.
Making difficult changes is painful, but that pain is far preferable to the agony caused by the inevitable outcome of a return to the past behaviors that come from addiction and neglect of my bipolar disorder. I am reaching and embracing the new even though it is sometimes painful for a while.
- Change is Painful (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Damn Heels Hurt! When In Pain, Who Knows Best Where it Hurts? (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Four Steps to Help Heal a Broken Heart (socyberty.com)
Uruz ~ Ur ~ Strength ~ Manhood ~ Womanhood ~ The Wild Ox
The Rune of terminations and new beginnings, drawing Uruz indicates that the life you have been living has outgrown its form. That form must die so that new energy can be released in a new form. This is a Rune of passage and, as such,part of the Cycle of Initiation.
Positive growth and change, however, may involve a descent into darkness as part of the cycle of perpetual renewal. As in nature, this progression consists of five aspects: death, decay, fertilization, gestation, and rebirth. Events occurring now may well prompt you to undergo a death within yourself. Since self-change is never coerced, we are always free to resist, remain mindful that the new life is always greater than the old.
Prepare then, for opportunity disguised as loss. It could involve the loss of someone of something to which you have an intense emotional bond, and through which you are living a part of your life, a part that must now be retrieved so you can live it out for yourself. In some way, that bond is being severed, a relationship radically changed, a way of life coming to an end. Seek among the ashes and discover a new perspective and new strength.
The ancient symbol for Uruz was the aurochs, a wild ox. When the wild ox was domesticated, an incredibly difficult task, it could transport heavy loads. Learn to adapt yourself to the demands of such a creative time. Firm principles attach to this Rune. At the same time humility is called for, since in order to rule you must learn how to serve. Uruz puts you on notice that your souls and the Universe support the new growth.
Without ears to hear and eyes to see, you may fail to take advantage of the moment. The result could well be an opportunity missed or the weakening of your position. I may seem that your own strength is being used against you.
For some, Uruz Reversed will serve to alert, offering clues in the form of minor failures and disappointments. For others, those more deeply unconscious or unaware, it may provide a hard jolt. Reversed, this Rune calls for serious thought about the quality of your relationship to your Self.
Take heart: Consider the constant cycling of death and rebirth, the endless going and return. Everything we experience has a beginning, middle and an end, and is followed by a new beginning. Therefore, do not draw back from the passage into darkness: When in deep water, become divers.