Posted by Mark Schmitz
“I came across this poem today on my computer. It was written by my most recent ex-partner. It was written in the insanity of both a crystal meth high, and untreated mental health issues. To me, it serves as a touchstone for what is real, and what is not.”
The Gossip Express
This ride is an informational subject.
It may even strike that last nerve and single you out.
The only one nerve you apparently have,
Or so I’ve heard,
Through the vast endeavors
Of the “he said – she said” crowd.
Oh my god, you’re the talk of the town!
Like a novel one can’t put down.
On the best sellers list, it cuts like a knife.
I had no idea you’ve been infested with lice!
The kind that is resistant to that smelly shampoo.
So how did they get all the damn bugs off you?
Oh, it doesn’t matter.
It’s none of my business.
But before you go out that door,
I overheard that you’ve been arrested before!
Oh, I hope it wasn’t for murder,
Or kidnapping a kid from its mother.
But I would like to hear how you went to town,
Sucking and jerking;
Did they hold your head down?
I can see it all in my head;
I’m getting all hot and sweaty!
Oh how stupid of me to bring up jails!
I’m sure it’s depressing, I would bite off all my fake nails!
But a friend of mine, he and I were discussing:
How you need to change;
And we think you should start today.
Maybe go incognito or you know, something like that.
Along those lines – not the kind you snort through a straw
That kind pretends to help you along.
You also need to change your hood,
Cuz they’re tired of you chopping wood.
This is what that bitch said about you –
You know that one chick,
The one I think has a prick.
She is usually all over you like flies,
Attracted to a pile of…
Hey! Come over here,
And say hello!
I hope you weren’t getting ready to go!
Oh god it’s been so long almost as long
As that dude’s shlong!
I am so sure, you wanna bet?
Hey hasn’t he hooked up with you yet?
Like last week, or wait!
It wasn’t you!
He was talking about a way hotter dude.
Oh rumor has it you got clap.
Tell me something, does it turn on a lamp?
OK, I need to shut my mouth!
It’s not funny to you now.
But everybody done told anybody,
Who talked to somebody in this town.
And let me ask you one more thing,
You can say butt out or get away from me.
If I could , just ask a personal thing.
I was told by a friend of a friend,
Who was once removed physically
From the house next door,
Who had hooked up with some
Really loose whore.
I’m not quite sure where the thing began.
But this dude I think his name is Stan,
Or could be like Bran…
Don’t you just hate that when you mind starts slowing down?
Then names for me are inevitably or uninviting
God you know what I am trying to say.
Hey wait why are you walking away?
Oh my god he is so rude!
I asked him question,
To see if he would tell the truth.
Nasty bitch anyway so I’ve heard
Don’t you know he fucks birds?
OK change the subject.
Poof! It’s done!
OK girl I am sorry, but I got to run!
See you later!
Call me sometime!
I got a story about your man’s behind.
Oh, you gotta know!
About that abnormal growth.
Just tell me, that he doesn’t say:
“Come pop my zits on my ass today!”
I bet you do it, since he’s your baby!
Wash your hands in bleach I say.
Enough about that delay.
OK, I don’t want to be rude.
For realzz tho’ I gotta jet!
Catch you next time
On the Gossip Express……
Copyright Christopher D Eshenbaugh 2007
All Rights Reserved
- Theo Ellington: A Man in the Mirror | Oakland Local (indigenist.blogspot.com)
- The Gossip Paradox| http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/around-the-watercooler/201002/the-gossip-paradox
- You Always Hurt the One’s You Love |http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201010/you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love
Tags: Boundaries, Conflict, Family, Friends, Friendship, Gossip, Gossip Express, Honesty, Humanity, Humor, Life, Life's Lessons, Lying, Man in the Mirror, Mental Health, Opinions, Personal Growth, Poems, Poetry, Relationships, Sense of Humor