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For Every Person and Unhealed Relationship

 

 

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“For every person in your past with whom you feel unhealed but unable to go back and resolve, there is someone standing before you offering you the opportunity to practice the healing you believe you missed.” — Alan Cohen


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A Moment of Awareness is a Moment of Grace

My inside, listen to me, the greatest spirit,

The Teacher, is near,

wake up, wake up!

Oh, friend, I love you, think this over

Carefully! If you are in love,

then why are you asleep?

— Anonymous

I know when I have met a challenge in my life; when I become suddenly aware of new knowledge. It’s as if a light goes on, and things suddenly make sense. One friend of mine refers to this as “a blinding flash of the obvious.” It’s important to take such a moment of awareness seriously; it is a cue that a lesson has been learned and that it’s time to move on.

In the past, not trusting myself and not in touch with my connectedness to the Universe, I relied on unhealthy ways to make sense of my life. The more I used intellect and will to manage and run my life, the less I accomplished.

A moment of awareness is a moment of grace. It’s as if the Universe gives us a wonderful gift, and we can turn right around and say, “So that’s what this is all about!” Receptiveness to such a moment gives us the willingness to trust where we have been and the strength to go where our life calls us next. I will always cherish the awareness in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Between Disconnection and Connection is Loneliness

“And if by chance that special place that you’ve been dreaming of leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love.” – Michael Masser and Linda Creed

 

Between disconnection and connection there is a time of transition.  That time is called loneliness.  During those moments, we choose what to do with that lonely feeling.  I know that I can stay in the lonely place as long as I need to; it’s not necessary to force ourselves to move out of it before we’re ready.  But, eventually we must move or the loneliness will deepen, becoming a desert of isolation where we can’t find our way out. 

 

We are meant to be connected to many things: to the Universe, to ourselves, to other people and to life.  Maybe the purpose of loneliness is to provide the transition to connection.  Rather than experiencing loneliness as something we deserve, or something we brought on ourselves, we can become aware of that deep longing within ourselves to be part of a larger, wider world.  We can then do our best to meet our needs and feel pleasure when they are met.   I will let my loneliness provide the impetus for moving me to a different place.  I will be patient and gentle with my need for connections. 

Loneliness

loneliness-2

Loneliness

 

“Most people write off their longing for friends and family as so many losses in their lives, when they should count the fact that their heart is able to long so hard and to love so much as among their greatest blessings.” – Etty Hillesum

I’m lonely. It’s lonely either being a practicing addict or even as a recovering person on a path of personal and spiritual growth. When I was being sexual with someone else by “partying and playing” in my past, I could push the truth away for a while in the high of the moment. But afterward, back in reality, the loneliness became even more devastating. I could pretend not to care, telling myself that I didn’t need people. But I knew I was lying. Connection, not disconnection, was what that which I longed for; and still find myself longing for today.

I realize that it is possible to rebuild those connections that have been lost. Even as I become healthier through the work I do along my path of personal growth and spirituality, the loneliness does not go away immediately; it takes time. The more I reach out to people honestly, believing I am worthwhile and have something to give, the less lonely I feel. The connections may be new; with new people met traveling along the same path – not those family or friends hurt by me in the past.

Those old relationships may carry their hurts, resentments and doubts for a very long time; never believing that I am capable of change. Overcoming “guilty until proven innocent” can take a very long time to achieve, if ever. New relationships help fill the void left by those loved one’s that can’t, or won’t adjust to the efforts I make and my new, healthier behaviors. There is always a flaw in what they see, which keeps them from an openness of the heart. Yet I have found there’s a world out there, and I belong in it.

I may long for some of the old relationships, but that longing is often quickly dashed when I remind myself of the conditions that were placed on their love. I have found through my personal growth the capability in some people, and in myself, the ability to love unconditionally. Unconditional love – the giving and receiving of it, comes so much more naturally and is a joy to have in my life.

So who am I still lonely for? A relationship with the Universe? Other people? Once I answer that question for myself, I can do something about it.