Blog Archives

Omnipotent and Ageless: Your Majesty the Baby

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“In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us.”  — Rilke

Too often we imagine life as sort of a magic carpet ride taking us wherever we wish to go.  Perhaps we’re watching television and an ad hooks into some fantasy we have in our mind and convinces us the world is at our beck and call.   We are omnipotent again, just as we were in infancy – “Your Majesty the Baby!”

But what would such a “magical” life yield in terms of change and growth?  Why would we even bother to strive if we could have everything we want or crave?  We would be the same at age fifty as we were at thirty and fifteen and five months – “Your Majesty the Baby!”

We need change and for the most part a majority of us are able to welcome it, even if change means some difficult growing pains.  With a little guidance from the Universe, we can strive toward an abundance of goodness.  We are omnipotent, but we are not alone.  We are part of a human community, and we can be in touch with that Power which is beyond ourselves.  That is the real miracle!

 


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Suffering

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”  -E.H. Chapin-

 

When I am suffering I wondered this morning, what do I usually do with it?  Do I use it as a reason to abuse myself, shame myself or hate myself?  Do I turn to my former unhealthy behaviors from the pain that is part of the suffering?

When I was acting out, I suffered, I felt pain, but I usually did not understand why.  The suffering and pain that accompanies me along my path of personal and spiritual growth is quite different – it leads me to healing, or at least it will if I let it.  Sometimes I can turn my pain over to the Universe, trusting that my pain is there to help me grow, and that it will pass.  This can help me believe that my pain has a true purpose.

My feelings, no matter how difficult some of them are to feel, are supported by the compassion I am learning to feel myself and the compassion the Universe feels for me.  I can choose to look at my pain in the light of recovery.  It won’t last forever; I will survive!

 

A Process of Learning Life’s Lessons – What’s Up With Those Incredibles?

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ere we are, Mark and Christopher. Two individuals, who are very much in love with one another and who for the most part, began our relationship treating one another with respect, compassion, and empathy.  Between us there is a vast amount of education, street smarts, creativity, persuasiveness, and many more qualities that are just too incredibly numerous to mention here in this blog.  In the beginning of our relationship, some friends and acquaintances started referring to us as “The Incredibles” from our outward display of confidence when facing such an abundance of adversity. Our calm and confident exterior merely masks our inner insecurities and anxieties.

We define our union as one which consists of a unique love; a love that can be honored as that “once in a lifetime, love of your life” experience.  With this intense love comes also a naiveté that creates an expectation in each of us that has us making up in our heads that by simply having found one another, making a commitment and by living a life which , though somewhat complicated, would at least afford us an easy rhythm.  But that is not what we have created up to this point in our lives.  We have created our own drama.

Each day, we face the remnants of our previous lives, misdirected anger, domestic violence, our battle and recovery to our addiction to crystal meth, financial setbacks created by our inability to budget, medical issues associated with our HIV+ status, mental health issues and our all around poor choices.

Since our path isn’t “revealing itself” by screaming, “Hi! Here I am!” we are striving to stay open to finding our path for ourselves. Once we feel we are on the right path, we plan to figure out how best to stay on it. The correct path will lead us through life and the lessons we are destined to learn and we will grow.

Through my blogs, I hope to share all of the drama and all of the challenges we have faced, and are facing now.  For some, the experiences that I share will be difficult to understand because our life may be very different from others and may leave the reader feeling unsettled, uneasy or uncomfortable.  Hopefully, readers will be able to discern a process of awareness, attempts to rectify or improve the situations by using new and more effective tools for coping. The rewards for facing our issues and choosing healthier solutions have so far included a raised and more heightened sense of awareness, an evolving definition of our own spirituality, a growing feeling of balance and stability, an easier rhythm to life, financial stability, less of a feeling of being “lost, alone and afraid”, synchronicity and a trust in the Universe’s ability to care for us.

As promised on my primary introduction page on WordPress, the posts I make will be nothing short of a pure and rigorous honesty. Pure honesty about the lessons I am learning and a life I feel I am beginning to master.