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That’s Who I Used to Be

“Every forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind.”  –John Spalding

There are some people who knew all too well the person I was – before I started to focus on becoming a more emotionally healthy person through personal growth.  I know that a person can’t do the kind of work I have on myself and remain unchanged.  However, for whatever reason, these people cling to the toxic images in their minds of my former self.  I know that each day brings more depth to my spirituality, and with that comes change.

A friend of mine once shared with me that he begins each day by saying out loud, “O.K. God, surprise me!”  Although each day brings new challenge, the one thing it won’t bring is perfection.  I know that each day I can expect a mixed bag of experiences and all kinds of emotions to match.

If I begin to feel discouraged because of someone’s inability or refusal to see how different I have become, or even negative about life in general, I cultivate an attitude of gratitude by looking back at how far I have come.  I remind myself, its progress I’m looking for in myself, not perfection.  There’s always something to be grateful for, including the ability to be grateful!

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My Work Toward Personal Growth is Starting to Feel Routine

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“To live and let live, without clamor for distinction or recognition; to wait on divine Love; to write truth first on the tablet of one’s own heart – this is the sanity and perfection of living, and my human ideal.” — Mary Baker Eddy

Some days, I feel like the work I do for my personal growth seems simply mundane. I make a choice and then I make it again. Unlike the uncontrolled life I had before, of an uncontrolled maniacal person with bi-polar, life now has a greater degree of sanity that comes from making good choices until they become new habits. Every part of me, may rebel at this from time to time. Does this signal what I fear; a downward spiral?

My old behaviors sometimes try to replay the old tapes in my mind that tell me that a sane life is a boring and mundane. But it’s not: it frees us because now life is more manageable.  I’m finding out in this process that it’s the small choices that count. Maybe I change something in my life-like the kind of television show I watch or the music I listen to. Maybe I change my lunch routine or take a different bus route than the usual standby.

One of the simplest concepts I came to understand through this most recent exercise, is that I only have to choose for twenty-four hours. The bottom line for me is to have the willingness, humility and tenacious faith. I will try to see day-to-day routine as giving me the sanity and stability which I know I need to feel safe.