Category Archives: Personal Growth
I Quit
“I quit smoking.” — Me
I’ve done it!
I’ve considered myself to be a smoker since the age of twelve. My cousin Randy and I would sneak cigarettes from our parents and smoke them as we walked to school each morning. Back then, cigarettes cost no more that seventy-five cents from the vending machine at the local bowling alley.
By the time I was fourteen years-old, my parents had grown tired of trying to stop me from smoking and allowed me to smoke openly. My mother would even buy cigarettes for me when she went to the grocery store. I smoked and smoked and smoked.
There have been occasions in my life when I have been able to quit; usually because of illness of some sort (usually upper respiratory since I am asthmatic) or because of a new commitment to overall health. It has been nearly 2 months since my last cigarette. This time my reasons do include health concerns, mortality and cost. The price one pays for cigarettes now, with all of the various taxes, has become prohibitive.
My home smells better, my senses already seem more aware to smell and taste. Soon, I know I will also be able to claim better health and longer life.
Life Lived Fully
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” — Colette
Colette was a French author whose books give a sense of a life fully lived. Yet, even she regretted that she hadn’t appreciated her good fortune earlier on. It was only while writing that she learned to see how lucky and happy she was and to praise life.
I know that I have been tardy in realizing how rich my life has been. It is often only in retrospect that I can see the beauty and feel the joy. How beautiful that day was! How much I was loved! How lucky I was to have such good friends around me! What a beautiful child!
Why didn’t I see what was happening right before my own eyes? Why couldn’t I seize the moment? It’s good to remember, but it is amazing to live in the present and to cherish each moment while it is happening.
Beauty Around Us
“Beauty is the promise of happiness.” — Stendhal
Often, we are too busy or self-absorbed to notice what is beautiful in people and in the world around us. We hurry along, focused on ourselves, inattentive to what really makes life worth living.
The world is filled with beauty – winter twilight over the desert, a child’s laughter, a scene in a movie, the sun on the red stone walls of Sedona, a weeping willow, a lively song, our beloveds face. If we are attentive and learn to slow down, we will see all around us signs of beauty that speak directly to us.
We don’t have to go to exotic places to find beauty. It is here, in our lives, all around us. Finding it, we carry it with us, and our lives are enriched. The language of beauty is the language of joy.
Related Articles
- Stendhal moments. Overwhelming beauty in scientific research – at Boijmans in Rotterdam (eyemagazine.com)
- Photos from our trip to Sedona (mn2az.blogspot.com)
Those Few Special Friendships
“A friend is a gift you give yourself.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
More. Some of us have come to believe that more means better. But there are some things where less is more, and one of them is a close friendship. The truth is, we don’t have many special friends, and that is exactly what makes them special.
Between such friends, there is a bond of understanding, honesty, acceptance and love that is valued even more over time. Trusted friends offer us the opportunity to learn to be intimate and to let ourselves be known as we truly are, time and time again. From that mutual sharing, we receive what we need. We can take certain risks, secure in the knowledge that the friendship will endure the test. With our special friends, we don’t have to worry about being perfect because we’re loved for who we are; the way we are. These friendships possess an innate freedom.
Special friendships can be platonic or romantic. It doesn’t matter. Through good times and bad, we begin to sense a divine triangle of growth and love between ourselves, our special friends and our connection with the Universe.
To my close friends, Trish, Andrea, Scott, Kevin and Gregg, “Thank you for accepting “me” as me. The five of you were the special friendships I had in my mind when writing this blog.”
Related Articles
- On Friendship (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- The Gift of Friends (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Her ‘other’ best friend (psychologytoday.com)
When Some Part of Your Life Seems Beyond Your Control
“God delays, but doesn’t forget.” — Spanish Proverb
Each month, I find it more difficult to meet my expenses until the end of the month, on my fixed income. As each month’s end grows closer and I find myself without enough funds for essentials like food and medications, I find myself sinking into a dark hole of depression and anxiety. I worry that I’ll become severely ill, as happened last year, spending months in the hospital. In today’s still lingering economic downturn, it’s frustrating for anyone who has lost a job or met financial setbacks. Those of us facing financial difficulty suddenly feel curtailed, with the rhythm of our lives changed in a way we never anticipated. But the Universe slows us down for a reason.
There can be gifts in adversity. They can give us some much-needed time alone, time to think. Being alone gives us the chance to find ourselves in a new way. We may be surprised to find some previously unknown inner resources. A period of waiting through adversity can also turn us to our Higher Power, God, or the Universe when the solace we need is beyond the capacity of people to give.
It’s challenging to be able to do nothing when the world tells us that we must take action. When action isn’t possible, accepting the circumstances of our lives enables us to experience the value of being, and not doing.
Related Articles
- Prayer and the Spiritual Journey (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Suicidal Thoughts: Strength to Continue and Endure (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Feeling is the Inner Life (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
Fed Up With Perfectionism?
“If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” — G.K. Chesterton
Ever turn a proverb upside down? In “Way of All Flesh” by Samuel Butler, Ernest was annoyed and surprised at his parents for wanting him to be more religious all his life, and when he did, they were still not satisfied. He said to himself that a prophet was not without honors save in his own country, but he had gotten into an odious habit of turning proverbs upside down, and it occurred to him that a country is sometimes not without honor save for its own prophet.
It helps sometimes, to see what happens. Many of us are brought up to believe that we have to do, excel, finish first, get on the team, do a good job, see it through, get it done on time, say it right, get ahead, and on and on, better and better as we go. Why? Maybe that’s the way Dad did it; and Grandma did it and that’s just the way it’s supposed to be.
And then, inevitably, we’d fail or fall. So we’d turn back on ourselves in shame, beat ourselves up, maybe turn to alcohol or drugs or some other addiction. If we were failures in public, then many of us would make up our own private world where failure doesn’t exist. In this little world fantasy ruled, and in fantasy there are only successes; everybody scores
But I have come to know that it doesn’t have to be so. We can break the spell and stop beating ourselves, and get away from Father’s angry voice or that disappointed look on Mother’s face. We can do things at our own speed, in our own unique way, on our own timeline, just for the joy of doing them.
Related Articles
- Procrastination (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Perfectionism (converstations.com)
- 8 Ways To Pitch Perfectionism (psychcentral.com)
Omnipotent and Ageless: Your Majesty the Baby
“In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us.” — Rilke
Too often we imagine life as sort of a magic carpet ride taking us wherever we wish to go. Perhaps we’re watching television and an ad hooks into some fantasy we have in our mind and convinces us the world is at our beck and call. We are omnipotent again, just as we were in infancy – “Your Majesty the Baby!”
But what would such a “magical” life yield in terms of change and growth? Why would we even bother to strive if we could have everything we want or crave? We would be the same at age fifty as we were at thirty and fifteen and five months – “Your Majesty the Baby!”
We need change and for the most part a majority of us are able to welcome it, even if change means some difficult growing pains. With a little guidance from the Universe, we can strive toward an abundance of goodness. We are omnipotent, but we are not alone. We are part of a human community, and we can be in touch with that Power which is beyond ourselves. That is the real miracle!
Related Articles
- The Innocence of Children (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
- Ego Ideal – on The Personality Concept (socyberty.com)
- Could An Omnipotent Being Prove It? (juliansanchez.com)