Weakness and Fear


“When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic.”  — J.K. Galbraith

Weakness and fear make me defensive and dogmatic (adhering strictly to something).  I often find myself becoming strident and aggressive without any apparent reason.  I insult my acquaintances, hurt my friends, and even frighten the neighbor’s children.   In that moment, I may feel I am being strong and assertive, and yet the effects are just the opposite of what I had intended.  I am hurting, and so I lash out and wound others.

What am I hiding?  Why am I feeling threatened, vulnerable and weak?  I usually strike out when hiding my needs and fears.  I think that, if I attack, maybe I won’t need to let anyone in.  I start to make-up in my mind that if I let people in, they won’t love me; I feel unworthy and shameful.

I have come to find out however, that it is the strong that are tolerant and charitable and forgiving.  As I continue to grow in confidence and strength, I will find that I too am able to be flexible, patient and open with others.  I am striving to be strong, open, tolerant and loving.

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About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on April 28, 2011, in About Me, Addiction, Fear, Inner Self, Life, Life's Lessons, Personal Growth, Personality, Purpose of Life, Recovery, Relationships, Self Discovery, Self-improvement, Spirituality, Weakness and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. thanks for the link Mark.

    You make a very good point:
    “As I continue to grow in confidence and strength, I will find that I too am able to be flexible, patient and open with others.”

    It’s always great to pause and think of why we’re suddenly being aggressive and hurtful.

    Glad you’re learning your way through.

    Bahieh K.

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