Setting Healthy Boundaries


“No one else can set your boundaries for you.” — Lois J.

Let me start out by saying that I am not an expert at setting boundaries. The setting of healthy boundaries has proven to be my single most challenge I face in my personal growth work. That being said, what I am going to share in this blog is what I have learned to be true about the setting of boundaries, and what I strive to integrate into my daily life.

I have learned that one way to create boundaries with people is to show priorities in our relationships. In the past, I believe that out of my loneliness and neediness, I may have talked to anyone, whether the person wanted to listen or not. In the mixed up world of my uncontrolled bi-polar disorder, I often withheld my true feelings from people close to me, but perhaps spilled them to someone outside my inner circle, say such as my new “best friend” the cashier at Fry’s.

As I now grow in self-esteem, my relationships improve and I act to meet my needs. Then I have a better sense of who everyone is in my life. I make choices in my relationships and take responsibility for them. I learn to bear the pain of boundaries that aren’t respected and enjoy the serenity of those that are.

I no longer need to give myself away in bits and pieces; I know now what it is to feel whole. I can simultaneously have acquaintances, friends, and intimate relationships, both sexual and nonsexual, in my life. I can trust that I will act appropriately and that my boundaries will keep me safe.

I know that there are some people in my life that will doubt the validity of my commitment to this level of understanding of boundaries. But I am a work in progress and this is truly the knowledge that I have gained.


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About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on December 28, 2010, in Awareness, Boundaries, Change, Controversy, Family, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Intimacy, Life, Life's Lessons, Opinions, People in your life, Personal Growth, Personality, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self-improvement, Shortcomings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I think you know A LOT about boundaries!!! Those are wonderful affirmations for boundaries. Keep saying them to yourself. I’m sure you are doing a great, great job. I have been teaching people how to have boundaries for over 15 years. I know how hard it is and most people simply don’t get it. You do. Excellent post!!!

  1. Pingback: Integrate Healthy Sexuality Into Life « Mark's Weblog

  2. Pingback: Integrate Healthy Sexuality Into Life « Mark's Weblog

  3. Pingback: Set Boundaries | Productive Life Concepts

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