lost, alone, afraid and confused


 


“The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head.”    — Source unknown

 

Today I feel alone, afraid and confused. I feel as if every action I take is the wrong one. I feel every word that is uttered from my mouth is the wrong one. My self-confidence is zero. I feel unfulfilled in a large part of my life. I’m not sure yet what to do about all of this. When I look at my psychosocial plate in front of me, it is fuller than fat Aunt Lucy’s on Thanksgiving. I want my life to be normal; not some kind of existential, phenomenally cosmic experience or one of extreme wealth and luxury. Just give me a peaceful, happy and fulfilling life; one in which I feel safe, respected and loved. One in which I can trust that my experiences, perceptions and feelings are real and authentic.

I wish I could say that I have that now. But I can’t honestly say that I do. In my relationships with my close friends, I feel out of synch. Our communications are as though we are each speaking a language unknown to the other. I don’t want to be alone, or without my friends, but I feel as though each day puts us further apart, and not closer together or more connected.

Much is going on around me and I find myself being distracted with each frame of each drama that is being played out in front of me. I want to try to help every lost soul I see. There is one in particular I’d like to reach out to and help. I just can’t take him on as a project now. I need to be simplifying my life and not complicating it. I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth; I know that I want to make the most of it, however long that may be. I guess what I’m going to do today is take some time alone and prioritize that ugly mess that is on fat Aunt Lucy’s plate, and just go from there.

 

 

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About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on October 25, 2010, in Adversity, Afraid, Awareness, Boundaries, Change, Conflict, Courage, Depression, Family, Fear, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Health, Honesty, Inner Self, Intimacy, Life, Life's Lessons, Loneliness, Love, Mental Health, People in your life, Personal Growth, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Self-improvement and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Linda K Alvarado

    Sounds like the human condition to me, Mark. Hope you find some peace soon.

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