Something Happened For the First Time in My Adult Life ~ A Commitment to Monogamy


 

Something has happened in my thinking for the first time in my adult life. Those who know me well will agree that this “happening” is revelation for me, if not a miracle:

I went to bed last night hours before my partner Christopher; one of those artist traits where an idea must be completed to his satisfaction on canvas or else his mind won’t rest. After sleeping for what seemed like a full night, I looked at the clock. I had only been sleeping a little over two hours. I noticed I was freezing. “He has the A/C turned to the 60’s I thought to myself”. With a still sleepy voice, I called out, “Christopher.” My voice was so faint and I knew he was on the opposite end of the house. Little did I expect that he’d even hear me? I laid there and pulled the down comforter over me. Just then, in walks Christopher, “Yes Baby?” “I’m cold” I told him”, still softly. “Would you like me to warm you up? I’ll have to get naked you know. “Yes.” I still muttered.

As he crawled into bed with me beneath our luxurious comforter, I soon felt the heat radiating from his body. Once I was warm enough, I pulled my arm out from under the comforter and stroked his handsome face. Soon, we began making love. Not just a routine kind of love-making; this was very different. We found ourselves becoming so intimate with one another and so passionate; our faces were lit by our bright smiles and our eyes locked in to one another’s. As our demonstration of love to one another continued and grew even further in its intensity, I began thinking to myself, “God, no other man knows me like this to even come close to making me feel this good” and, “I love him so differently than anyone else in my life”. And Christopher said, “Baby, you are so right for me. I love you deeply”. I responded to him by saying, “Baby, there is no other man for me but you”. Our kisses, just as they have in the past, sealed our commitment to one another. Our love making met each other’s needs so completely and naturally.

My mind continued its course of thoughts like, “This is it. He is so much “the one” for me. I have no doubts. Even with all of the challenges we face, nothing can erode the foundation of true love that we have for one another. He so longs for monogamy. I believe I can now give it freely, authentically, and honestly to him”.

Later, in the shower these feelings still lingered and I thought to myself, “I have never given myself so completely to someone, nor have I had anyone match my giving so equally in return. Tonight Christopher helped me get to a place where no one has ever been successful before”. I planned to tell him this and from the shower walked up behind him as he sat on the computer going through email messages.

“It says here I can make $3,000 a month selling candles, Baby” he said.

“Christopher I need to share something really important with you” I said as I grabbed his big hand into my own two hands. “Tonight, you helped me with something and with your help, together I feel like we went somewhere in intimacy where we have never been before. At least, I never have been in my entire adult life”.

There was enough familiarity with certain key words in what I was saying that changed his look of concern to his big beautiful smile. “Christopher, I felt monogamy. I don’t know exactly how; I’m going to sort more of this out in the morning, but I know I felt it. And baby, right now what I’m feeling is the need to say to you that I am ready to be monogamous. With you. No one has ever made me feel so secure, so attractive, so loved, so cherished as you. And I have never felt the need to make another man feel these same things from me before. At least not all of them in one package. You are the only man I want. This is what I want – monogamy.”

He pulled me into his lap and kissed me so deeply. We cried tears filled with all kinds of happiness and relief and the elimination of regrets. I felt free! I mean, I felt as though tightness was removed from my chest. My face seemed to be engaged in an endless smile. Christopher said, “It sounds to me like you need your inhaler and I’m going to go get it for you and bring us back something cold to drink. Now you crawl back into bed Baby, and I’ll be right back”. After sharing our cherry Kool Aid, I found my spot for my head on his chest; it’s a spot that nestles my head just perfectly. And we fell into a deep sleep in each other’s arms.

This morning, I woke up to thinking of what happened last night and smiled as I stretched and pulled a kitten off Christopher’s neck and kissed him “good morning.” As he sat up I said, “I still feel exactly the same way Christopher.” He looked at me and smiled (a rarity when he first wakes up) and said, “I’m glad. Me too, Baby”. Already, our morning is off to a much different start than the many that have come before. A gentler and more relaxed kind of activity, while we take care of our animals, we call it the morning “chores.”

I logged on to write my blog, and our dearest friend (well really we consider him to be like family to us); Matt IM’d me which made him the very first person I could tell about my “happening”. He was thrilled and gave so much wonderful feedback. As I get ready to post this blog, I know that there is going to be something different about today. Something lighter, brighter and definitely will be full of love. Thank you Christopher and I must say “thank you” to my Self, as I know it took the two of us to create beauty. For the first time, and at the age of 46, Mark feels a sense of monogamy – a need for it. And is ready to give this gift to my partner. The only man who could help me get here.

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About Mark Schmitz

Living in Phoenix, AZ since 1995, originally from Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I'm a Gemini born on May 26, 1961. Single, GWM who is HIV and healthy. Spiritually diverse, I'm just trying to stay on the right path to learn all that I came here to learn. That's what my blogs are about - and total honesty.

Posted on December 22, 2007, in Boundaries, connection, Consciousness, coupling, End of Relationship, Gay, Gay Relationship, Gay, Lesbian Bi-sexual, Transgendered, Queer [GLBTQ], Homosexual, Intimacy, Life, Life's Lessons, Love, Opinions, Passion, People in your life, Personal Growth, Personality, Positive Attitude, Positive Thinking, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Self concept, Self Discovery, Self Will, Self-forgiveness, Self-improvement, Shortcomings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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